I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I kept wanting to tell some folks: “You need radical self care right now.” It played over and over again in my head: “You guys need radical self care.”
When I’m going through something challenging, it seems that my own well being gets lost in the effort of trying to fix it, make it right, force it, help others, love others, have compassion toward others, being there for others. All that is good. But when I get drained (and it doesn’t take much to drain me) I’ve got nothing to give. It’s important for me to nurture myself so I can be of service to others.
But . . . last night I temporarily forgot all that. I tossed and turned and imagined myself telling others that they needed radical self care. And then it hit me: I need radical self care. I’m the one who needs it most!
I glanced at the clock. It was 12:30 a.m. Before I got into recovery from my addictions, I would have turned to food or alcohol to numb me, or TV to distract me. But I don’t do that anymore. I’m looking for what is causing my misery and how to take action. It took some time to shift my attention from trying to help (fix) others to helping (loving) myself. What are my self-care strategies again? They gradually came to mind.
Here’s what I did:
Essential Oil Diffuser
My first action upon realizing I needed radical self care was to refill my essential oil diffuser and watch it dispensing fragrant spices and moisture into The Tiny. The humidity levels here in California are in the single digits, and anything I can do to add humidity to my home is self-love. What else?
Journaling
I realized I hadn’t written in my journal that day. This is how I pray. This is how I call out to the universe what I feel and think and need. So I pulled my journal off the counter and started to communicate with all that is, all that was, and all that will be.
Time Planning Sheets
One of my strategies for chaos-free living on the road is to fill out time planning sheets each week. I printed a bunch of them up at the library in Hollister, California, when I was there, and my goal each week is to fill out two blank sheets stapled together, one for Monday through Wednesday and one for Thursday through Friday, broken down into hourly segments. Filling out these sheets reminds me of my regular spiritual support group meetings, my interviews, my deadlines, social engagements, and bills due. I also keep a running shopping list, and a list of things I want to do. Somehow I had not done this action in the past few weeks, and the feeling of disorganization was beginning to creep in. My journaling reminded me of this strategy for mental health. I struggled for a moment: “It’s Thursday. How can I start in the middle of the week?” Of course, the present moment is always a good place to start. So I did.
Enya — Dark Sky Island
I decided I needed to have some loud and gorgeous music coursing through my cells. When I set out in The Tiny six months ago, I had a strong urge to bring my Visio 42-inch sound bar, woofer, and satellite speakers. Part of me said: That is dumb. “You cannot bring a 42-inch sound bar, woofer, and satellite speakers in a tiny, teeny, little, itty, bitty trailer.” But I did it anyway. And OMG! The stunning rich sounds that come out of that system and infuse my being are out of this world. Bringing that and my 27-inch iMac along were genius decisions. Last night in my emptiness and brokenness, this sound system and the amazing Enya filled me up with the glory of the universe.
Water
For me, a big bottle of warm water is so nurturing. I got up and filled the kettle and heated the water to just the right temperature and hydrated my body. I had been in a spiritual support group earlier that evening and told the group that I wanted to amend the familiar caution to not get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. I wanted to add Thirsty to that list. So I quenched my thirst in the desert where I’m spending some time.
Coloring
A couple of days ago a client who has become a friend sent me a gift to show appreciation for work well done. It was “The Coloring Book for Writers” and a set of 48 gel pens. I love, love, love this gift. I actually started my journey in The Tiny with some adult coloring books and a couple of sets of colored pencils. I tried to buy good quality pencils but the ones I ended up with were horrible! Within a month or two I left the whole kit in some campground laundry room, disgusted at how awful it was to color with those pencils. And then the gel pens came! Now I’m back in love with coloring. And I get inspirational quotes to remind me that I’m a writer. And by golly, I’m writing right this moment. So the gift has been perfect!
Meditation
Finally, I did a short meditation session. I crossed my legs and focused on my breathing, on my body, on the fullness of the present moment. With all I’d already done to care for and nurture myself, the meditation was smooth and easy. But I was so tired that I couldn’t meditate long. Filled up and loved up, I drifted off to sleep until daybreak.
I write all this so I will remember: I need radical self care more than anyone I know.